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Integrity and my recent lack of it

April 30, 2009

 

I don’t want to write about integrity. I wish this month the topic at Sunset was something a little easier like the dangers of snuggies or how to avoid H1N1.

I journaled today, and saw that the last time I had written was April 2nd. For some of you that might not be a big deal, you might be close with Christ in other ways and don’t need to journal. For me, the big missing block in my entries is a direct correlation to a big missing block of connection with Christ this month.

So as I sit to write about integrity, which is living out what you say you believe, I shake my head at my own arrogance, and my own personal lack of integrity this month. I basically bought the lie for the better part of April that I can do things on my own, that I can make it just fine. I can’t.

A few minutes ago I prayed with Kurt, and it was the first heartfelt prayer I’d offered up in probably 2 weeks. I miss Jesus. Does that sound cheesy? I do. I miss Him bad. And today I’m letting Him know it, that I’m tired of walking alone, and I’m desiring to take His hand again before I take one more step. For me today its far more than desiring Integrity, I want Christ, need Christ, got to have Christ or I’ll shrivel up and die.

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2 comments

  1. “So take my heart and make it new, and make it true, and make it like You. Take my hands. I lift them high. They’re yours not mine to do what you will.” Thanks for sharing Jay!


  2. oh man… i hear you.

    God is doing quite a bit in refining me at the moment as well. He’s calling me back and some of that is breathtakingly amazing… and some of it is unmistakably painful. But being in His presence, without any barriers, is SO worth it.



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